Nearly four years of negative pregnancy tests, a dual factor infertility diagnosis, and mounting medical expenses can cause great emotional distress. You find yourself calling everything into question. All kinds of thoughts start running through your head.
Did we do something to deserve this?
Why does God not want us to be parents? It is because we will not be good parents?
Maybe I deserve this because I didn't try harder to get pregnant earlier?
What if we never become parents? Does that mean that our marriage is incomplete?
I struggled with these and many more questions. I still struggle at times. But in the times I question God's fidelity to us, I remember one scripture verse.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God has already blessed Brian and I abundantly. I know He will continue to bless us. He wants us to be happy and will never leave us alone during this time. It is still difficult whenever a friend announces a pregnancy, but I remain hopeful because He is faithful.
It is because of this faith that I keep the spare room completely empty so I won't have to make room for baby when he/she comes. It is because of this faith that Brian and I lay in bed at night sometimes and spend an hour debating baby names.
I don't know what His plans are for us, but I trust that we will one day have our little miracle.
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