July 3, 2015
Check out our TTC story below
Our Wedding Day
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
A Father's Day Letter
Dear Dad,
I wanted to take some time to wish you a Happy Father's Day! I realize I'm a pretty lucky kid because a lot of kids don't have dads that are as great as you.
Thanks for changing my diapers and holding me when I would cry.
Thanks for all the bedtime stories and for sneaking me cookies when mom wasn't looking
Thanks for my first Redsox game.
Thanks for teaching me how to ride a bike and play soccer.
Thanks for helping me with my homework and watching all my favorite movies with me.
Thanks for teaching me how to talk to girls.
Thanks for helping me buy my first car.
Thanks for moving all my stuff in and out of my college dorm each year.
Thanks for the advice on my wedding day.
I'm sorry we didn't get to make any of these memories because I died before I was born. But I know it would have been great. I guess we'll just have to wait till heaven to talk about our favorite sports teams and catch up. I really wish I could have met you dad. I heard mom talk about you when I was inside of her and I would think "wow...can't wait to meet my dad."
Even though I'm not here this Father's Day I still wanted to give you this letter as a gift to remind you that you will always be my dad. Take care of mom and I can't wait to see how many brothers and sisters I will have.
Don't forget to make some amazing memories because I want to hear all about them when we meet in heaven.
Love you son,
Nathan
I wanted to take some time to wish you a Happy Father's Day! I realize I'm a pretty lucky kid because a lot of kids don't have dads that are as great as you.
Thanks for changing my diapers and holding me when I would cry.
Thanks for all the bedtime stories and for sneaking me cookies when mom wasn't looking
Thanks for my first Redsox game.
Thanks for teaching me how to ride a bike and play soccer.
Thanks for helping me with my homework and watching all my favorite movies with me.
Thanks for teaching me how to talk to girls.
Thanks for helping me buy my first car.
Thanks for moving all my stuff in and out of my college dorm each year.
Thanks for the advice on my wedding day.
I'm sorry we didn't get to make any of these memories because I died before I was born. But I know it would have been great. I guess we'll just have to wait till heaven to talk about our favorite sports teams and catch up. I really wish I could have met you dad. I heard mom talk about you when I was inside of her and I would think "wow...can't wait to meet my dad."
Even though I'm not here this Father's Day I still wanted to give you this letter as a gift to remind you that you will always be my dad. Take care of mom and I can't wait to see how many brothers and sisters I will have.
Don't forget to make some amazing memories because I want to hear all about them when we meet in heaven.
Love you son,
Nathan
Monday, June 1, 2015
Finding Joy Along the Journey ( A short Monday reflection)
After 4 years of infertility and one ectopic pregnancy....it can sometimes feel like everyday is Monday. Another weekend ends and inevitably you know you are going to have drag yourself out of bed to start the week again.
Its the best analogy I can think of because another month ends and you have been through so many months and even years that the negative pregnancy test seems inevitable. Then you have start another month all over again. The loss of our baby has by far been the biggest trial of our marriage.
But no matter how more Mondays Brian and I have ahead of us, (and I pray it isn't many more) we are committed to enjoying each and every single day. We have love each other and we have fun! Thank you God for placing this man by my side.
Jeremiah 29:11
Its the best analogy I can think of because another month ends and you have been through so many months and even years that the negative pregnancy test seems inevitable. Then you have start another month all over again. The loss of our baby has by far been the biggest trial of our marriage.
But no matter how more Mondays Brian and I have ahead of us, (and I pray it isn't many more) we are committed to enjoying each and every single day. We have love each other and we have fun! Thank you God for placing this man by my side.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Mary, Mother's Day and Meditations
Mother's Day is this Sunday. I should be 6 months pregnant and happily planning the arrival of a late summer baby, but I'm afraid my 1st Mother's Day is not going to be the joyous occasion I had imagined it would be.
May is also my birth month and Mary's month (The reason my parents chose Mary as my middle name). Mary is the perfect model of motherhood and she experienced much sorrow as a mother. So I started thinking.....maybe this Mother's Day is not going to be everything I had hoped and prayed it would be, but Mary, Mother of all Mothers, offers consolation to a grieving mother's heart as I unite my sorrows with hers.
INFERTILITY, MISCARRIAGE, AND INFANT LOSS MEDITATIONS ON THE SEVEN SORROWS OF MARY
1) The Prophecy of Simeon. "And Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary his mother: Behold this child is set for the fall and for the resurrection of many in Israel, and for a sign which shall be contradicted; And thy own soul a sword shall pierce, that out of many hearts thoughts may be revealed." – Luke II, 34-35
Meditation -Mary knows the devastation and immense sadness of the infertile woman, who receives the news that she may never have children and the overpowering grief of every mother, who has heard the words "I'm sorry, but you had a miscarriage." Mary received news that Her Son was going to suffer and be put to death.
2) The Flight into Egypt. "And after they (the wise men) were departed, behold an angel of the Lord appeared in sleep to Joseph, saying: Arise and take the child and His mother and fly into Egypt: and be there until I shall tell thee. For it will come to pass that Herod will seek the child to destroy Him. Who arose and took the child and His mother by night, and retired into Egypt: and He was there until the death of Herod." – Matt. II, 13-14.
Meditation-Mary understands the sorrow and exhaustion of the infertile woman, whose journey to motherhood has lasted years without any idea of how much longer she will have to endure the pain of being childless or if she will ever get to hold a baby in Her arms. Mary knows the fear and anxiety of the woman who has had multiple miscarriages. This woman is panicked with fear that each new pregnancy may result in yet another miscarriage. Mary understands because She had to flee with Her Son in the middle of the night for fear that He would be murdered and She had no idea when it would be safe to return home.
3) The loss of the Child Jesus in the temple. "And having fulfilled the days, when they returned, the Child Jesus remained in Jerusalem; and His parents knew it not. And thinking that he was in the company, they came a day's journey, and sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And not finding Him, they returned into Jerusalem, seeking Him." Luke II, 43-45.
Meditation - Mary understands the grief of every woman who has experienced loss. The loss of hopes and dreams when every month the woman is confronted with a negative pregnancy test.
4) The meeting of Jesus and Mary on the Way of the Cross. "And there followed Him a great multitude of people, and of women, who bewailed and lamented Him." – Luke XXIII, 27.
Meditation-Mary knows the heartache of every woman who has ever had to watch their premature baby suffer and struggle to hold on to life, but is powerless to do anything. Mary watched Her Son be tortured and nailed to a cross.
5) Mary stands at the foot of the Cross. "They crucified Him. Now there stood by the cross of Jesus, His Mother. When Jesus therefore had seen His Mother and the disciple standing whom he loved, He saith to His Mother: Woman: behold thy son. After that he saith to the disciple: Behold thy Mother." – John XIX, l8-25-27.
Mary knows the indescribable anguish that overtakes a mother when her child dies, either in the womb, during childbirth or only a few months old. Mary saw Her Son die a very gruesome and cruel death before Her very eyes.
6) Mary receives the dead body of Jesus in Her Arms "Joseph of Arimathea, a noble counselor, came and went in boldly to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. And Joseph buying fine linen, and taking Him down, wrapped Him up in the fine linen." – Mark XV, 43-46.
Mary understands the emotional torture that a mother feels when she cradles her dead baby in her arms. Mary held Jesus's beaten and lifeless body in Her arms. Her tears streamed down her face like every mother who has had to experience that horror.
7) The burial of Jesus. "Now there was in the place where He was crucified, a garden; and in the garden a new sepulcher, wherein no man yet had been laid. There, therefore, because of the parasceve of the Jews, they laid Jesus, because the sepulcher was nigh at hand." John XIX, 41-42.
Mary understands the almost paralyzing grief of every woman who has had to bury their baby. She knows the feeling of every woman who has every had their heart ripped out of their chest as they lay to rest their baby. She knows the sorrow of every woman who has had to lay to rest the dream of ever having a baby. Mary watched as Her Son was laid to rest in a tomb.
May is also my birth month and Mary's month (The reason my parents chose Mary as my middle name). Mary is the perfect model of motherhood and she experienced much sorrow as a mother. So I started thinking.....maybe this Mother's Day is not going to be everything I had hoped and prayed it would be, but Mary, Mother of all Mothers, offers consolation to a grieving mother's heart as I unite my sorrows with hers.
INFERTILITY, MISCARRIAGE, AND INFANT LOSS MEDITATIONS ON THE SEVEN SORROWS OF MARY
1) The Prophecy of Simeon. "And Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary his mother: Behold this child is set for the fall and for the resurrection of many in Israel, and for a sign which shall be contradicted; And thy own soul a sword shall pierce, that out of many hearts thoughts may be revealed." – Luke II, 34-35
Meditation -Mary knows the devastation and immense sadness of the infertile woman, who receives the news that she may never have children and the overpowering grief of every mother, who has heard the words "I'm sorry, but you had a miscarriage." Mary received news that Her Son was going to suffer and be put to death.
2) The Flight into Egypt. "And after they (the wise men) were departed, behold an angel of the Lord appeared in sleep to Joseph, saying: Arise and take the child and His mother and fly into Egypt: and be there until I shall tell thee. For it will come to pass that Herod will seek the child to destroy Him. Who arose and took the child and His mother by night, and retired into Egypt: and He was there until the death of Herod." – Matt. II, 13-14.
Meditation-Mary understands the sorrow and exhaustion of the infertile woman, whose journey to motherhood has lasted years without any idea of how much longer she will have to endure the pain of being childless or if she will ever get to hold a baby in Her arms. Mary knows the fear and anxiety of the woman who has had multiple miscarriages. This woman is panicked with fear that each new pregnancy may result in yet another miscarriage. Mary understands because She had to flee with Her Son in the middle of the night for fear that He would be murdered and She had no idea when it would be safe to return home.
3) The loss of the Child Jesus in the temple. "And having fulfilled the days, when they returned, the Child Jesus remained in Jerusalem; and His parents knew it not. And thinking that he was in the company, they came a day's journey, and sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And not finding Him, they returned into Jerusalem, seeking Him." Luke II, 43-45.
Meditation - Mary understands the grief of every woman who has experienced loss. The loss of hopes and dreams when every month the woman is confronted with a negative pregnancy test.
4) The meeting of Jesus and Mary on the Way of the Cross. "And there followed Him a great multitude of people, and of women, who bewailed and lamented Him." – Luke XXIII, 27.
Meditation-Mary knows the heartache of every woman who has ever had to watch their premature baby suffer and struggle to hold on to life, but is powerless to do anything. Mary watched Her Son be tortured and nailed to a cross.
5) Mary stands at the foot of the Cross. "They crucified Him. Now there stood by the cross of Jesus, His Mother. When Jesus therefore had seen His Mother and the disciple standing whom he loved, He saith to His Mother: Woman: behold thy son. After that he saith to the disciple: Behold thy Mother." – John XIX, l8-25-27.
Mary knows the indescribable anguish that overtakes a mother when her child dies, either in the womb, during childbirth or only a few months old. Mary saw Her Son die a very gruesome and cruel death before Her very eyes.
6) Mary receives the dead body of Jesus in Her Arms "Joseph of Arimathea, a noble counselor, came and went in boldly to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. And Joseph buying fine linen, and taking Him down, wrapped Him up in the fine linen." – Mark XV, 43-46.
Mary understands the emotional torture that a mother feels when she cradles her dead baby in her arms. Mary held Jesus's beaten and lifeless body in Her arms. Her tears streamed down her face like every mother who has had to experience that horror.
7) The burial of Jesus. "Now there was in the place where He was crucified, a garden; and in the garden a new sepulcher, wherein no man yet had been laid. There, therefore, because of the parasceve of the Jews, they laid Jesus, because the sepulcher was nigh at hand." John XIX, 41-42.
Mary understands the almost paralyzing grief of every woman who has had to bury their baby. She knows the feeling of every woman who has every had their heart ripped out of their chest as they lay to rest their baby. She knows the sorrow of every woman who has had to lay to rest the dream of ever having a baby. Mary watched as Her Son was laid to rest in a tomb.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
APRIL GIVEAWAY!!!
National Infertility Awareness week is April 19 - April 25 this year. In honor of all women who have in the past or are currently struggling with infertility, I'm having a major giveaway.
(All resource materials contain a Catholic focus)
The giveaway contains 5 books addressing infertility. I have also included a book addressing miscarriage, which can often go hand in hand with infertility.
There are two journals (one from the Elizabeth Ministry and a custom one with a picture of Our Lady of Sorrows on the cover)s, a bible study for married couples, 2 prayer cards (St Gerard and Our Lady of La Leche - both third class relics)
The Seven Sorrows Rosary along with a guide on how to pray the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I am also including reflections on infertility for each of the seven sorrows. These reflections will also be posted later on my blog.
Entries will be accepted starting April 10th at midnight and the giveaway will close next Friday April 17th at midnight.
To enter simply email your first and last name to me at
The only thing I ask is that every person who enters the giveaway commit to praying throughout National Infertility Week for every couple and especially every woman that has ever had to carry the heavy cross of infertility.
Monday, March 23, 2015
My Fragile Fiat
Wednesday is the feast of the Annunciation, which commemorates the Archangel Gabriel's visit to Our Lady. The angel Gabriel says to Mary:
"...Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end..."
What Mary says next is astonishing. She says "... How can this be, since I have no relations with a man...? Rather than demonstrating a lack of trust on Mary's part, her response demonstrates great faith. Notice how Mary doesn't even questions the second part of the angel's statement. She has no trouble believing that the baby boy will be the Son of the Most High. Mary is not questioning the validity of the angel's statements. Rather it seems as though she is just curious about what method God will use to bring to theses statements to fruition.
Gabriel then says "...The holy spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God..." Mary simply responds "... Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word..."
So basically, Mary is saying ok cool God. My jaw drops every time I read this. Mary says "yes" I will do whatever you ask. Just let me know what you need me to do. You want me to be the mother of the Savior. No problem. She has no problem trusting that God can make this happen. Her faith in God is solid.
I am in awe of Her openness to God's will for Her life. Throughout my fertility journey openness to His will and trust in God have not been easy. This became particularly hard after suffering an ectopic pregnancy and losing my little baby. I am now beginning to realize that saying "yes" and being open to life doesn't automatically translate into pregnancy.
I have also had to come to the realization and acceptance that I'm not working with my time table here, I'm working with His. Mary didn't know when she would become pregnant. She didn't know where She would give birth. She didn't have a lot of answers. But She remained faithful in her "yes" to God.
I don't know why it took us so long to get pregnant. I don't know why our baby died. I don't know how long it will take before I become pregnant again. I don't even really know if I will ever be pregnant again. I believe that God intends for us to be parents. But I have no idea how that is going to happen or what that will look like. I try to emulate Mary and her faith in God, but my "yes" is more like "Well, I'm all for doing your will God, but first you have to give me some details!" My "yes" can sometimes turn into a toddler stomping his or her foot shouting "No Way!" I wrote about that last month when I wrote about my struggle to open my heart back up and allow God's presence in my life after the heartbreaking loss of our baby.
But I have to remember that God is greater than infertility. I have to really believe the words the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary "...Nothing will be impossible for God..."
"...Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end..."
What Mary says next is astonishing. She says "... How can this be, since I have no relations with a man...? Rather than demonstrating a lack of trust on Mary's part, her response demonstrates great faith. Notice how Mary doesn't even questions the second part of the angel's statement. She has no trouble believing that the baby boy will be the Son of the Most High. Mary is not questioning the validity of the angel's statements. Rather it seems as though she is just curious about what method God will use to bring to theses statements to fruition.
Gabriel then says "...The holy spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God..." Mary simply responds "... Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word..."
So basically, Mary is saying ok cool God. My jaw drops every time I read this. Mary says "yes" I will do whatever you ask. Just let me know what you need me to do. You want me to be the mother of the Savior. No problem. She has no problem trusting that God can make this happen. Her faith in God is solid.
I am in awe of Her openness to God's will for Her life. Throughout my fertility journey openness to His will and trust in God have not been easy. This became particularly hard after suffering an ectopic pregnancy and losing my little baby. I am now beginning to realize that saying "yes" and being open to life doesn't automatically translate into pregnancy.
I have also had to come to the realization and acceptance that I'm not working with my time table here, I'm working with His. Mary didn't know when she would become pregnant. She didn't know where She would give birth. She didn't have a lot of answers. But She remained faithful in her "yes" to God.
I don't know why it took us so long to get pregnant. I don't know why our baby died. I don't know how long it will take before I become pregnant again. I don't even really know if I will ever be pregnant again. I believe that God intends for us to be parents. But I have no idea how that is going to happen or what that will look like. I try to emulate Mary and her faith in God, but my "yes" is more like "Well, I'm all for doing your will God, but first you have to give me some details!" My "yes" can sometimes turn into a toddler stomping his or her foot shouting "No Way!" I wrote about that last month when I wrote about my struggle to open my heart back up and allow God's presence in my life after the heartbreaking loss of our baby.
But I have to remember that God is greater than infertility. I have to really believe the words the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary "...Nothing will be impossible for God..."
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