Wednesday is the feast of the Annunciation, which commemorates the Archangel Gabriel's visit to Our Lady. The angel Gabriel says to Mary:
"...Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of David his father, and he will rule over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end..."
What Mary says next is astonishing. She says "... How can this be, since I have no relations with a man...? Rather than demonstrating a lack of trust on Mary's part, her response demonstrates great faith. Notice how Mary doesn't even questions the second part of the angel's statement. She has no trouble believing that the baby boy will be the Son of the Most High. Mary is not questioning the validity of the angel's statements. Rather it seems as though she is just curious about what method God will use to bring to theses statements to fruition.
Gabriel then says "...The holy spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God..." Mary simply responds "... Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word..."
So basically, Mary is saying ok cool God. My jaw drops every time I read this. Mary says "yes" I will do whatever you ask. Just let me know what you need me to do. You want me to be the mother of the Savior. No problem. She has no problem trusting that God can make this happen. Her faith in God is solid.
I am in awe of Her openness to God's will for Her life. Throughout my fertility journey openness to His will and trust in God have not been easy. This became particularly hard after suffering an ectopic pregnancy and losing my little baby. I am now beginning to realize that saying "yes" and being open to life doesn't automatically translate into pregnancy.
I have also had to come to the realization and acceptance that I'm not working with my time table here, I'm working with His. Mary didn't know when she would become pregnant. She didn't know where She would give birth. She didn't have a lot of answers. But She remained faithful in her "yes" to God.
I don't know why it took us so long to get pregnant. I don't know why our baby died. I don't know how long it will take before I become pregnant again. I don't even really know if I will ever be pregnant again. I believe that God intends for us to be parents. But I have no idea how that is going to happen or what that will look like. I try to emulate Mary and her faith in God, but my "yes" is more like "Well, I'm all for doing your will God, but first you have to give me some details!" My "yes" can sometimes turn into a toddler stomping his or her foot shouting "No Way!" I wrote about that last month when I wrote about my struggle to open my heart back up and allow God's presence in my life after the heartbreaking loss of our baby.
But I have to remember that God is greater than infertility. I have to really believe the words the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary "...Nothing will be impossible for God..."
